I am a FAT girl!

I am not good looking as skinny girls but I do look good
I can't run marathons but I do try to walk at my pace
I am not lucky to eat everything and still be thin but I do eat everything a little
I am not fat because I want to...

I think about food all the time only to plan my next meal wisely
I plan my day way ahead coz I want to squeeze in my workout along with the party with my friends
I get lot of stares at the mall, park, shops.. I do stare back at them
I may not be sexy as other girls but I am not even dumb
I am not fat because I want to...

I struggle to fit in normal clothes but I do want to fit in sexy dresses
I am obsessed with the weighing scale coz even hundred grams matter
I do give in temptations, after all I do have my favorites
I read the ingredients on all food items, I want to know what am I eating
I am not fat because I want to...

I wear jackets all the time, I do not want you to see my curves
I plan to workout every day but some days are just not mine
I am on a diet "all the time" coz I want my health to be better

I have fitness on my mind always coz I want to be fit
I know surgery is quick fix but its a fix not a solution
I am not fat because I want to...

Nobody is perfect and neither are you
I can speak, write, listen, think, earn n definitely live better than you
if you used your brains for something good, your life would have been better

I am fat because I have issues
Hereditary, family, emotional, hormonal and financial issues

You don't know my journey so better don't judge me..

Oh Yes! I am a fat girl but I am HUMAN after all !!!

Chaaye Stall - Chaaye, shaaye n much more...

This is not another post about my love for tea. This is about the place CHAAYE STALL.. Well at a first glance it is another tea-coffee joint, what's the big deal?? Let us see...

I have been to Garuda mall some zillion number of times. Me and my friends meet up for lunch on most weekends followed by shopping at Garuda. Every single time I have craved for tea at around 6 to 7 pm when we are mostly done with shopping. Being dead tired and feet hurting, all that we needed was a refreshing cup of nice Indian tea (I hate the vending machine tea). Every single time I used to crib that there is not a single place in entire Bangalore where we can get decent Indian tea. I have been to most coffee places and the tea they server is not even a match to what I make at home (I don't make some high fundu tea, its simple Indian tea with milk and sugar). Coming back to Chaaye stall, one of my friends had always mentioned about it. I knew it must be a good place. Anyways, yesterday me n my friend decided to visit them post our shopping.

It rained quite a bit and ideally it was right time for tea and some hot pakkodas. As we entered we saw there were a few tables and a small kitchen. There was no one on a Saturday evening at 7pm.We went upstairs to check out. They have a nice spherical stair case. We went up, even there only one table was occupied. We decided to sit on one of the tables where you need to sit down (not like on the floor, but lower more like Japanese seating arrangement) -

After settling, we decided to sit aaram se (I literally mean it was aaram se, with your legs extended, back resting to the wall and a nice view of the road). After 5 mins, we were given the menu which was a black slate with items printed on it. They have some 5-6 varieties of tea and 1-2 varieties of coffee (this is what I remember). They also have the tea which is given in small mud pots, I think it is called Kullad Chai. Anyways, we ordered ginger tea, masala tea, onion pakkodas and cheese nuggets.

Now coming to the ambience n music. The lighting is dim, which totally relaxes you. They play very soothing music. God it was soul relaxing!. A little old songs (not Kishore Kumar old, may be 2000 decade songs). Literally time goes on a stand still.

We got our order in 10-15 mins I guess. Each one of these items were exceptional :). Awesome is not the word. Very neatly presented and yummy taste wise. Tea was damn good. As soon as both me and my friend had the first sip, we blurted out - "Ahhhhhh!!! Nice tea". Either we were very tired or tea was really very good. Pakkodas - freshly made, crisp, cheese nuggets - Yummy! Also we ordered Golgoppa shooters - Shooter version of Pani puri (Forgot to take a pic :( ). I loved the tea so much, ordered another cup :). Even that was amazingly tasty.

After sitting there for close to 2 to 2.5 hrs, we had to return home. As we came to the reception, we actually had a better look at the place. The kettle lamps, milk can seats.. Highlight was the tea cup clock.

Hats off to whoever came up with the concept. Trust me if you are looking for a refreshing cup of ginger tea or masala tea, this is the place. The only things that I missed (or felt sad about) here are - One, the view, if only there was a beach or a snow clad mountain, it would be eternal bliss. Two, the places closes by 11, well nothing they can do about it (that is something our government has to look into).

But nevertheless, it was a wonderful experience and definitely was BLISS!!!!

Motor Memsaab...

Title of this post is from a keychain that my friend gifted. She ordered it from Chumbak.com who make lifestyle products with Indian themes. Well, I am not marketing them here :) Anyways, the picture is - 

As you can see in the picture, this is an Indian lady who is riding a motor bike. Her bike is PINK :), with BAD written on the tank. She wears a purple saree. She also wears purple bangles that match her saree. She wears the latest trendy boots. And has a cute and stylish helmet. 

Ok so what does all this indicate? Simple - However, modernised we Indian girls are, we have a little Indianism left in us :)

- If we come across a temple, we bow our head and worship for a second, even though we -- might be wearing a short dress.
- If there is a function to attend, first place we go in the world is to a A BEAUTY PARLOUR.
- If we have to wear Salwar kameez, we ensure atleast we wear one of these things - matching bindi, matching bangles / bracelets, matching earrings or necklace.
- DDLJ is still the most romantic Hindi movie.
- Anytime of the day, we die to watch Madhuri Dixit dance.
- When we meet an Indian bride, first thing we checkout is her Mehendi and drool about how pretty it looks.
- For most of us, wedding saree (for south Indians) or wedding lehenga (for North Indians) has to be Red or Pink and definitely GOLD.
- When something goes wrong, we swear - Amma, Uyi Maa, Aayi ga or Maa than the most famous F word.
- Every second male (especially the salesman, auto drivers, conducters etc) is BHAIYYA for us.
- Every Indian girl has atleast 3-4 sarees in her wardrobe for special occasions.
- Any where on earth and Pani puri is always the best.
- As cliche as it sounds - solution for very cosmetic problem is - Besan (Gram flour), haldi (Turmeric), Neembu (Lemon) and Milk or Curd
- Even though we might not be great cricket fans, but we love the blue Indian jersey:)
- We never forget to check on discounts even though the board says - 'Fixed price' or 'No Bargain'
- We will buy the same dress any famous actress would have worn, but only from our local market rather from the original branded store.
- Wonder why all the malls are so crowded? Thanks to us and our WINDOW SHOPPING :)
- We have tasted all the chocolates world wide but our favorite remains - Cadbury's - Dairy Milk
- There are always things for special occasions - Perfume, cosmetics etc
- Yes, we all do have one LUCKY dress that we wear to exams and interviews
- Our wardrobe's are always full, yet we can't find anything to wear. We have a lot of old stuff, can't wear them or can't discard them :(
- We always love Bollywood music and request the DJ's to play the latest bollywood item numbers 

So girls three cheers to us and our Indianism.. We all know - WE GIRLS ROCK!!!

Management and Leadership...

Management and Leadership are quite BIG words to be discussed or spoken about by a small person like me. I am not giving any management gyan about them, just want to pen down what little I understand.

  
This is a small cartoon which mostly represents management & leadership and how different they are. For most of us they both are same or superficially appear to be same. If you spend sometime thinking about it, they actually are quite different.

I shall try to explain it with a simple example-

When we talk about Indian housewives, the picture that comes to our mind is a middle aged woman in saree, in a kitchen, making lunch boxes for her kids and husband. The kids have school at 9am and she has to make breakfast and lunch by 8.30am. She has to ensure kids are ready for school and husband is ready for work in time (Clothes are ironed, kids have all required books in their school bags). She gets up by 6 or 6.30 am for it. In a span of 2 hours she has to ensure everything goes as she planned (no power cuts, milkman delivers milk on time, vegetable vendor gives fresh vegetables etc). If things go as planned she is all set, eventually breakfast and lunch are ready by 8.30am. She plans the previous night what she is going to cook for breakfast or lunch. And definitely it has to be the favorite puri sabzi or aloo paratha and not same old bread-jam. This is MANAGEMENT (as per my understanding). 
Now lets say, during her 2 hrs marathon, something breaks, the milkman didn't turn up or there was a power cut. Husband and kids are sleeping and she can't wake them up else she will have to listen about the disturbed sleep for next 2 weeks. She quickly goes to the nearby shop and gets milk or goes to the neigbour's seeking help. She might have to heat water on gas stove (which will affect her cooking time) and also might have to get the clothes ironed from the local laundry guy pleading him to give it in 5-10mins. But at the end of all this struggle she has to ensure things go as scheduled and planned. She won't blame the kids that may be they should get the clothes ironed themselves or demanded that they wanted their favorite dishes for breakfast and lunch. Or she won't blame the husband for not paying the electricity bill understanding that he is overburdened at work. This is LEADERSHIP (again as per my understanding :); I have to be careful else I am sure I will get lot of gyan on this by everyone :P).

Well most of us (hoping most of us work with Indian Managers) at some or other point have hated our bosses, trust me all of us have done it. That is a common human tendency, no one is perfect and hence, there will be differences. But how many of us have cribbed about our managers every single day?? Well for the few of us, who said Yes - There is some serious problem with your boss then! Earlier when there were only government sectors in India the hierarchy was pretty clear - You have a boss(manager) and you are a subordinate or reportee. It is the same work you do every day. And your promotions are based on your experience and not your work. But these days it is more a team structure - You work as a team, where there are 4-5 people working with you. And you have one person who is your team lead or project manager, who heads your team. The team structure is more performance based. You are given the liberty to think outside the box, try new things, innvoate, make mistakes and learn from them. Team structure looks so appealing. Every one of us wishes to work in a team like this right??

Whom are we kidding??? How many of us actually work in a team which is so ideal?? Well, if anyone says - Yes, I would say - You are lucky, don't leave the team. Most of us, I have seen get in old vicious circle of hierarchical management, where you have to do what your boss says and try to follow his instructions, because his boss wanted things in a certain way. Well, I am not saying anything is right or wrong but if it has to be so instruction driven then we better shift back to our old government systems where your work is same for years and it doesn't matter whether you come at 9am or 12pm. Let us not be hypocrites and use management jargon's - be a team player, own your work, think out of the box or enjoy your work. When we are not creating an environment where a person can be himself and try to think on his own, we have no rights to showcase ourselves as a team. Not everyone is same and neither their abilities nor their caliber. Comparing two individuals on the basis of the way they present their work is very wrong. When you can hire people from diverse backgrounds (low economic backgrounds, poor English knowledge etc) just to ensure your team or company bags DIVERSITY tag in the market, then might as well build the patience in your employees to tolerate the mistakes these new hires from DIVERSE backgrounds make.

Well you would have seen lot of managers (Yes! I will never call them leaders, not worth it) complain about their team members- 

- You have no time sense, you come late to work (Yes! who was working late last night to finish the assignment?)
- You go for 3-4 coffee breaks in a day (Yes! for the amount of unnecessary pressure you put on us, only rescue if Caffeine. THANK YOUR GOD, that they don't serve liquor in the cafeteria)
- You go for long lunch breaks (Yes! For the crowd at food court, I am lucky I get to eat peacefully with my friends on a single table. Also science says you should eat your food very slowly)
- You are hardworking but not SMART working (True! as soon as we enter office we have to switch off our brains, as we have to listen to whatever you say! Hence, only HARD work and no SMART Work)
- You have an attitude problem (Yes! after our mind and time being hijacked by you, only thing left with us is attitude and you have a problem with that also??)
- Why can't you do it like how the other team does (Oh is it? Why can't you be like their boss?)
- You should prioritize your tasks and plan your day (Very right! I had a plan till I walked in the office but your task list changed my priorities and plan. And look who complains?)
- Don't come to me with a problem, come with a solution (Wow!! If only I had the deciding power I would have implemented the solution already and would never come to you)
- Why were you late for the meeting? (Seriously?? How about those days when you turn up 15mins late, as you were gossiping with your best friend on who got promoted whereas I just got delayed to attend Nature's call!)
- Why don't you answer my call on weekends or during your leaves?(What?? I see and hear you 5 days a week, isn't that enough torture?)
- Why are you falling sick so often? Our work is not stressful (Yeah.. Work is never stressful but YOU are!)
- At your level you should know all this (Is it? If I knew it then I would have been your boss :P )
- You should explore and upgrade your skills (For anything that I do apart from my assigned work, I am questioned and you expect me to try something new?? )
- Since you got promoted you have lost focus and interest in your work (Yes! I need to get a eye checkup as to how can I still tolerate your atrocities?)
- You should be positive and not think like this (Dude! I am an adult and can think on my own, please stop enforcing your philosophy on me)
- Why do you want leave? (Are you my mother or father or spouse that I need to tell you what will I do with my leave?)
- You can be frank, I am open to feedback (Are you kidding? if I had to give you feedback, it would be a 5 yr planning program)

Well there are many more, but these were just a few example! 

The best leader I have seen is M.S.Dhoni. No wonder, every single Indian admires him. He never forces the players to play his game but empowers them to play their individual game. I have always seen him TRUST his players. Every player faces a lot of pressure when they are in the last over of a nail biting final match. But he always tells his players - Enjoy your game and play your natural game. He doesn't expect the players to lose their natural talent and play the game as Dhoni wants them to play (Remember, they were selected for their natural talent). Think about the amount of pressure he might be handling. Billions of fans, BCCI, his team, family and in fact entire cricket community across the world expects from him. He soaks up this enormous pressure, puts up a smile and inspires the players. When required, he comes on the field and finishes the game for his team and country. That's what a true leader does. He doesn't blame anyone or hold anyone accountable for failures. He always says - 'WE' and not 'I'. He gives the players liberty to do what they do best and turns that into a victory. He is always a motivation and inspiration. And yes, he didn't go to any management institute or workshop, but ironically management institutes are conducting classes and programs to learn from his leadership skills.
 
We might think, that we don't play for nation and we are not Dhoni. Agreed! but all of us face pressure at some point in our work. That pressure moment differentiates a manager and a leader. How you handle the pressure says everything about you. You can either hold your team accountable, pressurize them (even when they are aware of the deadline), ask the status every 30mins and basically micro manage them. In this situation, definitely they tend to make mistakes and screw up the whole thing. Or you can help them out, discuss for a solution, work with them, share some work and empower them to do what they feel right and make the task a huge success. It is totally up to you. 

Some people might argue that there are team members who run away from work, are lazy etc. Talk to them, all that shows a lack of interest in the work. If they are not interested in the work, give them the freedom to move out. But for others, who work with you - 
Trust your team, give them credit for the amount of effort they put in. 
If you can't appreciate their work, at least acknowledge it. 
Understand every person in the team, know their positives and negatives, and if possible, assign the tasks as per their talent. 
Take them for a coffee atleast once a month. 
Encourage them and don't force them. 
Help them and don't humiliate them. 
For a minute, be in their shoes and gauge the tasks. 
There are times when you might lose your temper and scold them. Happens! apologise to them, when you are alright. 

After all, they are also HUMAN BEINGS and not ROBOTS..

You are a MANAGER to manage WORK and NOT PEOPLE.. If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more then you are LEADING!!!

The FEEL GOOD factor!

I wanted to write about it since long, but somehow couldn't. What does the term- "Feel Good" mean exactly? As simple as it says - Feel good or a good feeling :). Ok so all of us have felt good about some or other thing at some point, what’s the big deal?? As per me, Feel good is not a state of extreme happiness, something like when you get a hike, get promoted, buy a car or get married etc etc. Definitely you feel good at these moments but that is extreme happiness which lasts for a few days and gradually fades off. Initially even I used to think, you can feel good only when such major events happen in your life, but I was very wrong.

When I googled (I know this is not a real word :) ) for meaning of Feel good, this is what I got - "Characterized by or designed to encourage a feeling of often superficial happiness or self-satisfaction". As it clearly says it is superficial happiness or self-contentment. I prefer contentment over satisfaction as I feel contentment gives a better feeling of fulfilment than the word - satisfaction :). Coming back, feel good is not actual happy happy but superficial happy :). 

You don't need big things that make you feel good about yourself or feel good about life in general. I had written a post on this couple of years earlier - http://day-dosage.blogspot.in/2011/05/small-bundles-of-joy.html. Here, I mentioned about people, we are nowhere related to, yet they make a small difference in our life and make it worth living. These are the small gestures that make us feel good about ourselves and life. You might have done many such things but never thought it could make anyone feel good or better or even make yourself feel good. Below could be a few examples-

Helping a kid or elderly person cross a busy road.

Talking to a colleague when they are not in a very good mood.

Going for a leisure walk.

Listening to your favorite song.

Bumping into an old classmate when you least expected.

Seeing the sunrise or sunset from your balcony.

An afternoon nap after a hectic week or month.

Writing a blog (like me :)) or reading one.

Seeing old pictures. This one is more like re-living those moments :)

Clicking random pictures.

Morning tea with yourself in a peaceful surrounding.

After a rigorous workout, where you have pushed yourself to your maximum potential.

Relishing your favorite chocolate, pastry or cake (Am sure most girls would agree on this).

Enjoying tea, coffee or a drink at random hours

Watching a chick flick (for girls) and may be an action movie (for guys)

Finishing a project that you were stuck with at work.

Baking a cake for your loved one or try cooking out a new dish which turns out pretty decent.

Shopping, shopping and shopping :)

Going on a long ride or drive.

Or finishing any task (challenge) that you think you couldn't do.

These are just a few and there could be tons of them. 

For me or I assume most of us, feel good is a big deal. It gives a sense of accomplishment and loads of confidence. Definitely you are not very very happy but you are elated, contented and filled with self-worth. This does make your day and boost your self assurance that – Yes! You are worth something on this earth.

Love life and feel good!!!

Financial IN-DEPENDENCE

Thanks to my DL who seeded this thought in my mind. We happened to discuss on this just randomly. Even though my DL is married, she believes in financial independence. I thought once you are married it is ok to be dependent on one's spouse to meet financial needs. When I mentioned her the same thing, she said that she knew about the harmony, symbiotic relationship marriage brings on the plate but financial independence is as much needed. Considering we mostly come from middle class families, where we do not have inherited fortune to splurge on, we definitely have to think on every single penny we plan to spend. I am working for past 6-7 years and one thing I always look forward is the sms I get every month end saying my account is credited with salary for the month. This definitely brings smile on my face :). 

I used to think if my spouse was rich I could always ask him for my pocket money (or monthly expenses; assuming I would not be working if I marry a rich guy). But then how rich are we talking about? Considering current inflation rate, even a billion per month would not be enough. Anyways, the possibility of marrying a very rich guy is ruled out as most of us are neither too pretty kinds nor come from an equally rich family and neither do we believe in a prince charming who married a poor girl like Cindrella. 

Coming back to financial dependency, these days most of us are educated enough to be employed. Even if we are working, there is always a question of how much are we earning and is that amount enough for us? I mean sufficient enough to pay the bills, buy a house or go for a world tour. These are not the mandatory things to do in life but atleast enough money is needed to keep us going and always have something to look forward to. These days 2 incomes are a must to run the show. How does a working woman contribute to this? Usually girls marry guys who earn comparatively more. So the lady's income is a small contribution to family income. Where does the independence come here?

All money a person earns, gets distributed to meet various needs. Even though the entire salary might be already pre-decided to be spent, but a lady can  definitely make an effort to have some left for herself. It could be as small as Rs.100. It gives her the freedom to do whatever she wants with that money. I understand that this number is very small but everybody has their earnings and needs. For some it could Rs.10, 100, 1000, 10000 or 10 lakhs. But the feeling is free and feels the same. It could be spent on lunch with her girlfriends, spa to pamper herself, parlor for a make-over or all time favorite shopping.

This money is just hers, with no questions from anyone (spouse, parent, siblings, kids, friends or relatives) on what she does with it. This gives her better decision making power, sense of confidence and definitely improved self-esteem and self-worth every single time she gets her salary. She does not need anyone to approve how she spends the money she earns (this surely involves responsible spending). I know women who were in a bad marriage because there were kids involved and they could not afford to leave their husbands as they were not earning. On the other had, I have also known women who had the guts to end their bad marriage and move on with their kids as financially they were independent. Definitely freedom gives you the courage to do things on your own.

This reminds me of something my mother told me when I just started working. She said -'Whatever is the situation, dont ever have a joint salary account with anyone, be it your father, husband or me also.' Now I realise how correct she is :)

The Sound in my neighbourhood..

I come across many sounds everyday - vehicles honking, sound of my TV, random music etc etc, so whats special about this one. I realized it today after staying here for 3.5 years. May be somethings are better realized later. Okay back to the point, this sound I am talking about is a silk loom thats next to our house. Infact, it belongs to my landlord. 

When we moved in this house, we didn't realize about the annoying sound of the loom that runs from morning 6am to night 8pm. Initially it used be very irritating. Everyday non-stop sound that disturbs my dreamy, sweet early morning sleep. I complained, stopped opening the windows, tried ear-muffs but nothing worked.. And I got used to it. Got so used to it, that absence of this sound started affecting me. The loom has the weekly off on Sunday. Usually most of my Sunday's are spent with my friends, but there are some Sunday's I am generally at home. Especially in the evenings, all of a sudden its calm, quiet and silent. 

Well most of the time I crave for that kinda silence but the one on Sunday evening makes me feel that all of a sudden world has come to a standstill. The thought of going to work the following morning plus the long silence is depressing :-(. I start introspecting my life, where am I, what am I doing etc etc. I wish the loom starts again and makes me feel that world is running as usual and things are good.

I have known of Monday morning blues.. but not sure what one call the depressing feeling on a Sunday evening..??