Financial IN-DEPENDENCE

Thanks to my DL who seeded this thought in my mind. We happened to discuss on this just randomly. Even though my DL is married, she believes in financial independence. I thought once you are married it is ok to be dependent on one's spouse to meet financial needs. When I mentioned her the same thing, she said that she knew about the harmony, symbiotic relationship marriage brings on the plate but financial independence is as much needed. Considering we mostly come from middle class families, where we do not have inherited fortune to splurge on, we definitely have to think on every single penny we plan to spend. I am working for past 6-7 years and one thing I always look forward is the sms I get every month end saying my account is credited with salary for the month. This definitely brings smile on my face :). 

I used to think if my spouse was rich I could always ask him for my pocket money (or monthly expenses; assuming I would not be working if I marry a rich guy). But then how rich are we talking about? Considering current inflation rate, even a billion per month would not be enough. Anyways, the possibility of marrying a very rich guy is ruled out as most of us are neither too pretty kinds nor come from an equally rich family and neither do we believe in a prince charming who married a poor girl like Cindrella. 

Coming back to financial dependency, these days most of us are educated enough to be employed. Even if we are working, there is always a question of how much are we earning and is that amount enough for us? I mean sufficient enough to pay the bills, buy a house or go for a world tour. These are not the mandatory things to do in life but atleast enough money is needed to keep us going and always have something to look forward to. These days 2 incomes are a must to run the show. How does a working woman contribute to this? Usually girls marry guys who earn comparatively more. So the lady's income is a small contribution to family income. Where does the independence come here?

All money a person earns, gets distributed to meet various needs. Even though the entire salary might be already pre-decided to be spent, but a lady can  definitely make an effort to have some left for herself. It could be as small as Rs.100. It gives her the freedom to do whatever she wants with that money. I understand that this number is very small but everybody has their earnings and needs. For some it could Rs.10, 100, 1000, 10000 or 10 lakhs. But the feeling is free and feels the same. It could be spent on lunch with her girlfriends, spa to pamper herself, parlor for a make-over or all time favorite shopping.

This money is just hers, with no questions from anyone (spouse, parent, siblings, kids, friends or relatives) on what she does with it. This gives her better decision making power, sense of confidence and definitely improved self-esteem and self-worth every single time she gets her salary. She does not need anyone to approve how she spends the money she earns (this surely involves responsible spending). I know women who were in a bad marriage because there were kids involved and they could not afford to leave their husbands as they were not earning. On the other had, I have also known women who had the guts to end their bad marriage and move on with their kids as financially they were independent. Definitely freedom gives you the courage to do things on your own.

This reminds me of something my mother told me when I just started working. She said -'Whatever is the situation, dont ever have a joint salary account with anyone, be it your father, husband or me also.' Now I realise how correct she is :)

The Sound in my neighbourhood..

I come across many sounds everyday - vehicles honking, sound of my TV, random music etc etc, so whats special about this one. I realized it today after staying here for 3.5 years. May be somethings are better realized later. Okay back to the point, this sound I am talking about is a silk loom thats next to our house. Infact, it belongs to my landlord. 

When we moved in this house, we didn't realize about the annoying sound of the loom that runs from morning 6am to night 8pm. Initially it used be very irritating. Everyday non-stop sound that disturbs my dreamy, sweet early morning sleep. I complained, stopped opening the windows, tried ear-muffs but nothing worked.. And I got used to it. Got so used to it, that absence of this sound started affecting me. The loom has the weekly off on Sunday. Usually most of my Sunday's are spent with my friends, but there are some Sunday's I am generally at home. Especially in the evenings, all of a sudden its calm, quiet and silent. 

Well most of the time I crave for that kinda silence but the one on Sunday evening makes me feel that all of a sudden world has come to a standstill. The thought of going to work the following morning plus the long silence is depressing :-(. I start introspecting my life, where am I, what am I doing etc etc. I wish the loom starts again and makes me feel that world is running as usual and things are good.

I have known of Monday morning blues.. but not sure what one call the depressing feeling on a Sunday evening..??

About Being "JUDGMENTAL"

I was thinking about writing on this topic since long, but finally Mrs. Shashi Godbole inspired me :). She is not my relative or acquittance, but if you have guessed it then yes, she is the protagonist of  hindi movie - English Vinglish. If you have seen the movie then you know where and how does JUDGMENTAL come in picture. Anyways, its a good movie and I am not very keen on discussing about it. Coming back to being judgmental, first question is what does that mean?

Well, each one of us is judgmental in some or other way. Before knowing the person or circumstances of his action, we are ever ready with our judgements - 'He is does not think at all' / 'She is very weird' / 'He does not know what he is doing' / 'She does not know anything' etc etc. These statements sound very familiar even to me and I am sure for each one of you. Not that we actually mean it but then saying so makes us feel one or other way better than the person we are judging. We always think we know better than the person and have better options of dealing with a similar situation. If its so true, then why aren't we all successful and very very happy? Why do we crib or wish for a better life every minute? May be this is because none of us are perfect and each one is unique. We don't think or act alike.

But then all of us love gossip, trust me we do. We catch up to gossip. How would you feel or think if people whom you trust or believe in keep judging you on trivial issues where you might not have control? If you have such people in your life the easiest option you find is ignore them and move on. Coz that way you don't have to face them everyday and listen to their nasty comments. Even if you think on talking to them, you realize there is no point doing that as the person would not understand. He/She might not change and might start judging you more. Gradually this takes a toll on your relationship with that person and soon the relation wades off. Think how many such people might be in your life who gradually moved out coz they thought you would not understand them.

So how not to be judgmental? How does the court judge? It has a set of laws/rules which if broken the culprit is punished. Who created the law book - Our constitution and our great politicians. Our laws keep changing every day as per the need of hour, so why cant we in our everyday life? We as people of a certain society start gauging everyone with certain standards (so called). Everything has to be either black or white / right or wrong. We are human beings not objects or robots who have to lead a pre-decided life like 80-90% of the population does. Why cant we accept that there is scope of grey shade also, there are things that are neither right nor wrong.  What is right or wrong? Its all in perception, my right need not be your right or vice-verse. So who are we to judge anyone? Most of us do not have the authority to do that anyways. People do what makes them happy and that could be right or wrong. As long as it is not affecting anyone in a negative way, it is fine.

Each one of us has one aspect of life that we wish not to discuss with anyone, then why bother others with their greys? If somebody shares with you one aspect of his/her life it is because they trust you, they think you can understand the situation they are going through and not to give you another opportunity to judge them. If someone choses not to share anything with you that could be coz they want it to handle on their own or they dont want to bother you with their sob story or may be they dont trust you enough or find you mature enough to understand the situation (may be due to some past experience). It is good, infact better if we just accept the person as he/she is and openly welcome them in our life.

If a girl wears short clothes that does not make her available,
If a guy drinks at parties that does not make him a drunkard,
If a person is of silent nature that does not make him/her arrogant,
If a person is social that does not make him/her wannabe,
If a person is well dressed that does not make him/her high maintenance
If a person takes time to understand and work on things that does not make him/her dumb,
If a person cries out loud that does not make him/her weak
Accept people as they are and let them be themselves
It all comes down to LIVE n LET LIVE...

STOP JUDGING !!!

Its all in ur head!!!

How many of us believe the title of this post - its all in our head? Well atleast I do. This was something I rediscovered recently.

I joined swimming classes in the beginning of Dec'11. It was a 21 day course till 27th Dec'11. Intially I was very scared of jumping in water. It took me almost 5 days only to learn floating. The fellow learners, coach n the regular swimmers all of them were motivating and advising me on how to overcome the fear of water and swim. But I could not do it till end of the course. The pool is 50 mtrs long, 21 mtrs wide and slopes from 16ft to 3ft. I would struggle to cover the smaller side, could hardly reach till 14 mtrs. Till 26th Dec, I was just covering 14 mtrs. My coach used to say - 'Just try completing one lap you will be able to cover the entire pool easily.' I was pretty disappointed that even after 21 days I could not swim :(.

Finally on 27th, the bugged coach put the tube around me and asked me to swim. I could cover the 21mtrs side of the pool. After covering 2-3 laps with the tube I tried swimming on my own. This time I covered the entire 21mtrs. Literally everyone in the pool clapped :). I know its not a big deal but definitely was a very big deal for me. Then I swam 2-3 times and covered the 21 mtrs. I was on cloud 9 that evening.

The following days I was just practising making myself comfortable swimming the entire 21m. The following Friday I guess on 30th I again went to the pool in the afternoon. After 2-3 laps of my regular swimming, coach asked me to come out of water. As I got out, he started walking towards the 16ft deeper end of the pool. I told him-' Sir, I cant swim there. I am very scared'. He said - 'Just keep chanting your home God's name, you will be fine'. My heart was literally pounding. He told me to sit at the edge of the pool and jump whenever I was ready. I sat there staring at the blue water. Coach said - 'If you dont jump, I am gonna push you!' . Finally with some courage and chanting God's name I jumped. After 2-3 arm and leg movements I came to the surface. Coach was telling me to swim the entire 50 mtrs. I was shocked. I said- 'sir I swim 21 mtrs with great diffiiculty, I cant do 50mtrs'. He said-' you can do it. Just swim slowly. I shall guide you'. I was struggling, gasping for breath and my coach was motivating me. I somehow finished 35-40mtrs. The last few mtrs seemed impossible. Coach was going on - 'Dont leave, you are just there'. There were 2 more girls in the pool telling me to finish it. The final 2-3 mtrs were out of my limits. The coach was still on-'Dont leave, don't leave'. Finally I reached the wall and got up. Coach and others in the pool were applauding :).

As soon as I finished the first thing coach told me was -'See you did it! Its all in your head.' I could not agree more. I said -' You are right sir. It was all in my head'.

I never thought I could do anything of that sort ever in my life. I was surprised and shocked both. I was so happy I gave my coach a big bar of chocolate. Once I was out of the pool, I messaged my brother and friends about it. They too could not believe it. It was such a boost to my confidence, that even while writing this post I can feel the energy and sense of achievement :).

But rightly as my coach said-'Its all in our head!'